Monday, July 27, 2009
Judgment
I recently find myself dealing with judgment of others. Not something that is usual for me so this is surprising. My judgments are about a taboo subject and I've had to look at my fears about that and my beliefs about it. I wonder what some of your experiences are. You can speak in general terms or very specific terms...as you wish.
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This post reminds me of something a friend of mine likes to say: "What other people think of me is none of my business."
ReplyDeleteBoston: I recently put up a post about my own challenges with judgment. I call the phenomenon the "Magic Mirror" because I believe our judgments of other people are a reflection of a combination of our fears and what we think about ourselves (which is largely, of course, based upon our fears).
ReplyDeleteBy this, I mean that we become frustrated or indignant or judgmental about other people when we observe the very behaviors in them that we detest in ourselves. This is pretty clearly a psychological phenomenon that is based upon something deep and, I believe, dark within us.
The fact is that judgment plays an important role in all of our lives. For instance, when I am presented with an opportunity to practice compassion or empathize with someone, I do this based upon a judgment, a judgment that the person in question somehow needs my help. This may not always be the case, yet I have judged it to be so.
In your example, you're addressing the dark side of judgment - the type of judgment that is limiting and somewhat negative (i.e., non-productive in a cosmic way). If I think about this in terms of your quadrant model, the fact that our society is a Q2 structure practically dictates that we judge others in these sorts of ways.
And why do we judge others in these ways? Because we let our fears get the better of us and, rather than be proactive, compassionate creatures, we react. I believe that taking a reactionary position is a psychological defense mechanism that increases our comfort level because it bolsters our (unconscious?) belief that we are somehow right and others are wrong.
In your case, you are on the path to enlightenment because the first step down that path is the kind of self-awareness you've demonstrated by recognizing your judgments as something you want to transcend. Transcendance above and beyond our petty human actions and activities is really the only thing we can do while we are here.
Onward! Darin
I like the way you state things Darin. I tend to use the word discernment for positive judgment and the word judgment to indicate a negative perspective. I'm not sure how my judgment of others is playing out as my own dark shadow, but I am sure that the taboo subject frightened me because I had no prior exposure to the subject which makes it an unknown factor. Given that I am a Q4, that doesn't sit well with me. I like to know what my position is at all times. The challenge of judgment is a good one for me and tests my belief system. Interestingly I've had my beliefs about certain topics challenged a lot over the last several months. I find it interesting to notice about me that I became complacent. I thought that I had myself pretty well figured out. That should've been my first clue that I was about to get 'smacked'. It's good though. I like to tear down the walls a little now and then. Thanks for commenting.
ReplyDeleteOK... very specific. The easiest place I get caught is in my supposed "expertise". Try me out. Parenting and teaching can get a line of judgment happening before I blink! Why? I guess I think I "know" something there. What should I really see? That I really don't know a dang thing anywhere? Maybe! I mean to shift my wayward thinking to compassion, understanding, and maybe even offering a little self where it is acceptable to share (to those who want some of me). When coming to the "defense" of a wronged child, judgment is definitely in power. No one is wronged. No one knows the right way to raise or teach someone. It's all a stockpile of lessons... and I need to remember that!!!
ReplyDeleteMichele: I'm with you 100% on this one. For me, it's about ego, something that I'm working very hard on a minute-by-minute basis to let go. I have four kids ranging in ages from 21 to 13. I have a PhD and spent nearly 15 years in college and grad school getting there. Wanna get me fired up? Just mention kids or "school" and I'm there, like you, in a flash.
ReplyDeleteSo, my practice of compassion, empathy, and helpfulness is now taking on this aspect: I do not offer any information about myself with regards to kids or school unless asked. And I do mean asked - period. In this case, it's not even abiding by the admonition to remain quiet and be thought a fool, rather than open my mouth and remove all doubt; it's about walking in humility every moment of my life.
Oh, and I'm not quite there, yet...
Onward! Darin
How about exploring point of perspective? The more we can become the observer of our lives, the easier it is to begin to see what is motivating and affecting the "other", or the subject of our judgement. I have better luck in softening my judgements of others if I get far enough away from the immediate to see that my good/bad continuum is pretty silly in the larger scheme of things.
ReplyDelete